By Zoe Honsinger (as told to Katherine Dolan)
Growing up in Canmore, Alberta, skating and hockey, skiing and outdoor activities were popular sports.
Definitely not ballet.
Yet, when I was three years old I saw a picture of a ballerina and fell in love, so my parents signed me up for my first class.
I knew from the start, I was different from the other kids, as through the years I noticed other kids wanting to goof around when I always wanted to take it seriously. I realized quickly that I loved ballet and I wanted to do it more and more so I could get better and better.
I remember my friends not liking the discipline and structure, but I thrived in it. Ballet at it’s finest is beautiful and when I am having a good performance, I get lost in the character. The sport has taught me what hard work and dedication is, it’s translated to my school work and everything I do.
Now at 17 years of age, I have a life I love because of ballet. I have traveled and lived in cities around the world, all because of the sport. And it has also opened up other areas of my life, as I am now modeling. Ballet has taught me that if I want something, I have to work hard to do well at it, it’s given me motivation and also huge drive in my life to be the best in the world.
The highlight of my career so far was competing in the Varna International Ballet Competition in Varna, Bulgaria two summers ago. This competition is like the Olympics of ballet, and in preparation for the competition, I had eight numbers prepared. I was one of the youngest athletes at the event, while most of the other girls who placed were already in professional ballet companies but the fact that I did it even coming off a broken foot was a major accomplishment.
But along with the highs of the sport, do come the lows. I want to be real and share the struggles I have also had in ballet in hopes it will resonate with other young dancers who are also facing challenges.
When someone talks about ballet, the discussion inevitably shifts to one of the big issues in the sport which is body image.
I think it’s a safe assumption to say that almost every dancer who is involved in ballet struggles with body image. As a teenager, I do feel insecure at times when it comes to what my body looks like because the sport demands perfectionism. Everything is picked apart, and while I know the perfect body doesn’t exist, knowing it and believing it are two different things.
What has helped me get through these insecurities and body image concerns is my mental health. I try to separate myself from it all and talking about it has been a huge release for me. Knowing that I am not going to be perfect and working with what I have is something I repeat to myself over and over.
I know as a society we’ve become a lot more aware of healthy eating habits. Back in the old days, ballerinas used to smoke and drink Diet Coke and that was their ‘diet’ or how they stayed skinny. Fortunately, we have come a long way since then, and at least that unhealthy lifestyle is no longer the norm.
What has also helped, is having a sport psychologist and counselor at my school and this has made a world of difference for me.
I remember this one time, I was going into a competition, only the second one since coming back from a broken foot and I was nervous getting on stage. He took me aside and used the analogy of a bucket to help me relax. He said if you are carrying a bucket, you need to empty it to keep the load down. If you keep carrying it, it’s just going to drop. You have to empty the bucket, and let some things go.
That really helped me.
My advice to other kids who are hoping to get into ballet and make it a career is to not get too frustrated with it. This idea of perfectionism, it’s hard mentally and it’s really easy to get frustrated and want to give up. What I do is focus on putting in the work and doing my best to improve because as I see glimpses I am getting better, it is so rewarding. It is the little things that push me forward and motivate me.
This is a huge year, as I graduate from high school, and will then go on to hopefully dance in a studio company and eventually dance professionally with a company. I have been dancing with the American Ballet Studio Theatre company in New York since I was 14, so my ultimate dream would be to join the American Ballet Theatre, in New York.
To achieve this goal, my number one supporters through it all have been my parents, they have made the biggest impact through all of this, which makes the difference for me. Even when I am struggling with this idea of perfectionism, I know they don’t always understand how I am processing it, but they support me regardless and that means the world to me. It also gives me the courage to continue on, knowing they are supporting me all the way.
If you would have asked me a few years ago if I could imagine a life without ballet I would have said no. Now, as I’ve gotten older, I know that ballet is not going to last forever and I will have to give it up. And it’s a big deal for me to say this, but that’s okay. I know that if I work hard towards my goal of dancing professionally, that one day it will happen. So whenever I decide I want to retire or do something else, I will still be here …. without ballet. And that will be okay.
See you on the stage,
Zoe
- This interview and article was done/written in December of 2019.